Step right up and get your Ilo Ilo ice-cream

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That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices, Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots, It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens And it finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks And it plays a mean Rhythm Master, It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up 'Cause it forges your signature If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product For complete refund of price of purchase Step right up

Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it Swim in it, sleep in it, Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet Tired of being the life of the party? Change your shorts, change your life, change your life Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife, And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator See you later alligator And it steals your car It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking

It's a friend, and it's a companion, And it's the only product you will ever need Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff, Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange, And it gives you denture breath And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion And it gets rid of your traveler's checks It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned Well it takes care of business, never needs winding, Never needs winding, never needs winding Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis, Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy, C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon' Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors, It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection It gives you an erection, it wins the election

Why put up with painful corns any longer? It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it We need your business, we're going out of business We'll give you the business Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale Receive our free brochure, free brochure Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,

Step right up, step right up, step right up You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up C'mon step right up (Get away from me kid, you bother me...) Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up, C'mon and step right up

Tom Waits "Step Right Up!"