D: Do what? Anyway, what's a preposition, Pete?
P: They're all them little words what tell you the relationship between a verb and a noun, or a noun and a noun. These little words can determine the entire meaning of a sentence.
D: You've lost me already, Pete.
P: Here's an example. Listen. "We are having beans for dinner".
D: No, we aren't, Pete. We've been eating fish and chips. You want to go easy on beans, Pete. They can talk back to you something terrible.
P: No, no! Listen carefully. "We had beans for dinner". Compare that with "We had beans to dinner".
D: Now you're getting silly, Pete. You can't go around inviting beans to dinner. You'd be off your rocker. It would get out. People would talk, if you started asking beans round to dinner.
P: I beg to differ, Dud. I distinctly overheard a bloke the other day saying "You must come round for a spot of tiffin, old bean". I rest my case.
D: (looking around & under the table) You didn't bring a case in with you. But on this bean business, you must admit that it would be very awkward, turning to your neighbour at the dining table and finding yourself looking at a bean.
P: Well, yes, the prospects for conversation with a bean would be limited. The opportunities for wit and repartee, with a bean, would be severely constrained.
D: Worse than that, Pete. Specially if it was a French Bean. The language barrier, apart from anything else, would significantly inhibit effective two-way communication.
P: Or a Runner Bean. Might dash off half way through dinner. Very embarrassing for the host. And you'd have no-one to talk to at all on one side, for the rest of the evening.
D: Or a Chilli Bean. A really chilly bean could be a very frosty dining companion. You'd end up acting all chivalrous and offering to wrap your jacket round it. And who knows where that might lead?
P: Or a Broad Bean. I've nothing against fat people, but I wouldn't want to sit next to a really broad bean. Very cramped it would be, when you're trying to eat.
D: Or a Butter Bean. Potentially disastrous. Imagine how you'd feel if you absent-mindedly spread one of your fellow diners over a piece of bread.
P: Doesn't bear thinking about. Don't take me there, Dudley.
D: I won't, Pete, Doesn't near thinking about, does it? Same goes for grammar, in my opinion. If grammar is what gets you talking to vegetables at meal times, I'm against it. And I'm sure these chips agree, don't you, chips?
P: Er, Dud - jolly good chaps, those chips - but they can't talk you know.
