1) Picked up an old customer with a city card. Last time it did not work and she had to pay with money. This time it was OK. She sat silent for most of the journey, wondering no doubt if that idiot of a driver would get her card to work this time.
2) Picked up an old man and took him to Heikkitori. He spoke in a very strange way as though he had a speach impediment. It turns out he had a by-pass operation and some of the "plaque" in the arteries had got loose and had lodged in his brain, and he had lost the ability to speak. He was going to the health centre to get remedial lessons which would help him to speak again. Besides not being able to speak properly he had lost the ability to write. Letters and words were completely incomprehensible, and could just as well be chineese characters for all the sense they made to him. His memory was gone so he could not remember phone numbers for example, and he found himself in a fix cos he could not write things down, and if somebody else wrote the numbers down he could not read them. Have a heart operation and you go from being a well educated man to becoming illiterate.
3) Took 3 women to Sello. The woman in the front was an invalid. The two women in the back nattered away like maniacs. One stuffed her face with a rye bread sandwich and laughed as though she were about to choke, and spat crumbs down her breasts. Her mate talked so fast it sounded like the rat-a-tat-tat of a machine gun and at the end of every sentence she made a long keening laugh as a form of punctuation. They were going to see an afternoon show that featured belly-dancing.
4) Pick up a young nurse who did not know where she wanted to go. Somewhere along the road to Jorvi, and industrial estate near Laaksolahti. Her friends had been drinking all morning and she was missing all the "fun". I took her to some run down industrial estate on a dead-end road and left her shivering at a padlocked gate. I wondered as I drove away why is it that some girls will insist in exposing their belly buttons in the middle of winter.
5) Took a well dressed couple from Kaunianen to Rittarihoune for the "Knight's Ball". I drove them straight to the door because the woman had on her dancing shoes and did not want to walk in them. I got honked at an had to drive away much to her annoyance.
6) Took a couple to a wedding in Otaniemi. The lady was wearing a wonderful perfume. I asked her what it was. She said "Open Heart" I have never heard of it. I do so hope it was not by some company called "Surgery". Now that I think of it perhaps it was called "happy heart" I was still thinking about how weird it must be to loose the ability to read and write let alone speak after open heart surgery.
7) Picked up a mother and your daughter from the airport. The daughter had a toy fox called Toppi. The navigation system has an english woman giving me directions and the little girls wondered who was taking. I told her it was "Katie Kettu" She asked her mother if this was true. Her mother said no it was not true and that I was trying to trick her. I insisted it was "Katie Kettu" and the little girl was happy with that.
8) Back to the airport and picked up a woman who had come from Leevi. She had been skiing. Had gone to sauna with a shaman who had washed her and purified her. Apparently he had washed all of her sins away with ice cold water. Not only her passed sins but also the future ones.
She seemed to be very happy with this thought of cleansing.
9) Last lift of the night was a Scottish woman. We sang together
Bee-Baw-Babbity Babbity Babbity
Bee-Baw-Babbity Babbity Babbity
a lassie or a wee laddie
Ah widnae hae a lassie-o a lassie-o a lasssi-o
Ah widnae hae a lassie-o a lassie-o a lasssi-o
Ah'd raither hae a wee laddie.
Kneel doon kiss the groon, kiss the groon, kiss the groon
Kneel doon kiss the groon, kiss the groon, kiss the groon
A lassie or a wee laddie?
It was a good day.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Fokker 104
Kullervo is a good name. Solid from the Kalevela and he flew a Fokker during the winter war, and during the contiuation war, and in the Lapland war. He was an aerial photographer and he flew a biplane called a Fokker 104.
It was a good plane because it was so maneuverable, by comparison the Russian planes were slow and combersome. If they were being chased the pilot would put the plane into a step dive, and the Russian planes could not follow since their decent had to be more gradual.
The Fokker 104 was a two man plane and the piolet had a glass roof over his head, but the photographer had to hang over the side with a huge camera straped to the front of his body and take photos. It was cold. The plane also had a english camera called an "Eagle" built into the floor but it was hopeless.
When the Russian planes got better then new tactics had to be used. Only going out on cloudy days and flying in the clouds and droping down to take photos, and if anybody attacked then zooming back up into the clouds to get lost.
The idea was to take photos of the enemy lines. Once the photos were developed they were joined together to make a map, and then the artillary would have something to shoot at. Kullervo would then go up in the Fokker and direct the fire from the ground below until the shells would hit the target.
After the war Kullervo became a lawyer. He has some new under-carriage with him all the time. It is his rollator and he can not move without it. His wife says the body does not work properly any more, but the brain and the tongue are still fully functional.
Kullervo has written a book called FK Lentue. You can get it from the library it is by Kullervo Kemppinen. When you look at the origins of the name Kullervo you discover it is and ancient on and his story can be read in the Kalevela. Sibelius himself wrote an opera called Kullervo
Three times they tried to kill Kullervo then they gave up. The Fokker however was shot to bits and its wings were shreded to tatters by bullets. The pilot had to make a crash landing.
Kullervo has a piece of the propellor on his wall to remind him that he survived three wars.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
A wobble in the world
Did I dream it or was there a play about somebody who placed lots of speak your weight machines at the north pole in the hope that they would attract lots of ships with their promises of substantial weight loss, and then the world goes into this wobble, and no longer spins evenly on its axis, and the seas pile up, and people on bikes going down hills go into a Kevin Kegan speed wobble, and the drums inside washing machine all become unevenly loaded, and the centrifugal force is such that the machines break loose from their attachments to the wall an bounce around the room like a bucking bronco. And lets not talk about gyroscopes guiding fighter planes, and spinning tops, and whirling dervishes, and protons in a cyclotron, and pity the poor man on the motor bike on the wall of death.
We just take it for granted that the world will spin on it's axis, and day will follow night, and as the earth circles in its orbit we will have one season after another. It is all so perfect.
Yes they say that at times in the past the globe has flipped and the north pole has become the south pole.
I read on the web... If you listen to Hopi Indian Legends at one time the poles flipped all hell broke lose, ocean waves as tall as mountains came crashing over the land, mountains plunged into the sea and the entire earth spun around aimlessly, froze over and even flipped over twice.
But we really don't need weight speaking machines to do the job for us. For on the radio I heard that the glaciers of Greenland are melting at twice the normal speed, and the sea level is estimated to rise by 7 meters.
Just imaging all of that mass disappearing from the north pole. It is enough to send the world into a speed wobble. As if God had unevenly packed his spin dryer.
Wouldn't it be just fine if the north and south pole ended up at the equator. That would really confuse all those birds that navigate by magnetic fields, and it might save us from the bird flu pandemic.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Knitting needles
Sure the sky is big and it has got many colours, the yellows, reds and blues, and nobody asks who paints the sky those colours, and why on different days you get a different pallette, but what surprises me more, is who was the first person to knit?
I mean to say there were no shops to go out and buy knitting needles, and there were no handy balls of wool hanging about, wool that you could pick up at a jumble sale, or from a discount bin, so they must have used sticks or twigs or straws, and they must have had some sort of yarn, and why in the hell did they make long stings of wool, if not for knitting.
Then they had to go about inventing stiches, the purls and the plains, and using 5 needles to make a sock or a glove. Knitting must have been a really sophisticated skill, requiring more expertise than threading some sinew through a bone needle and sewing some fur together.
But today we have so many fabrics cotton, gore-tex, nylon, polyester, crimpalene, linen, and they are miraculously feed into machines that make us clothes, and we are not amazed that we can wear a down jacket to keep us warm in winter.
We take it for granted, just as the colours in the sky.
I mean to say there were no shops to go out and buy knitting needles, and there were no handy balls of wool hanging about, wool that you could pick up at a jumble sale, or from a discount bin, so they must have used sticks or twigs or straws, and they must have had some sort of yarn, and why in the hell did they make long stings of wool, if not for knitting.
Then they had to go about inventing stiches, the purls and the plains, and using 5 needles to make a sock or a glove. Knitting must have been a really sophisticated skill, requiring more expertise than threading some sinew through a bone needle and sewing some fur together.
But today we have so many fabrics cotton, gore-tex, nylon, polyester, crimpalene, linen, and they are miraculously feed into machines that make us clothes, and we are not amazed that we can wear a down jacket to keep us warm in winter.
We take it for granted, just as the colours in the sky.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Baz before Rouge
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '05
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions., even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Travel.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance - even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions., even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Travel.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
What's my name?
What is the temperature.
-It is -10C
Drive to Pohjantori and we will wait. Even if we have to wait until 8 o'clock.
-That is about an hour away and the meter will be running.
Don't worry you will get your money. Put the radio on.
-What station?
Savelradio I like the voice of the man on there.
-Do you think you can tell something about a person from their voice?
No.
-Why not?
Johnny Forsberg had a voice as warm as treacle, and it was impossible not to fall in love with him, but he was a rat faced runt, with long lanky greasy hair when you saw him up close.
-Marylin could do a dumb blonde voice but she was quite smart.
What do you think my name is?
-Velma?
Velma is not a name.
-Yes it is. All the gangster's molls were called Velma.
So you think I am a kept woman?
-No.
So what is my name?
-Helena?
No
-Helga?
No
-Helvi?
Hell no!!!
-Hildegard?
Like the mystic nun from Bingen? Hildegard von Bingen? Triple hell no!!!
-So you know about mystical chanting from the midlle ages?
Get real, and say what brought you to Finland?
-An aeroplane.
What's the time?
-7:30
We will give him another half hour then, and if he does not show, we go.
-Bridgette?
So you are going for the film stars now?
-Marlene?
As in Dietrich? No.
-Sophia?
Like Loren? No.
-Carmen?
As in Diaz? No.
-Are you sure you want to wait? That clock is ticking and is racking up the euros.
Don't worry you will get your money.
-Aino?
From the Kalevela?
-Yes.
The one that killed herself because she did not want to marry that old shamman... no way.
-Agnes?
Never heard of that.
-In Scotland they write Agnes backwards so there is a Scottish girl's name called Senga
Sounds like a strawberry.
-A strawberry blonde?
Turn the radio off and lets go.
-Where to?
Back to the place where you picked me up.
-Well that has been the most unusual ride I have ever had. That will be 40 euros.
Here's 50 and keep the change. Even priests get paid for talking.
-It is -10C
Drive to Pohjantori and we will wait. Even if we have to wait until 8 o'clock.
-That is about an hour away and the meter will be running.
Don't worry you will get your money. Put the radio on.
-What station?
Savelradio I like the voice of the man on there.
-Do you think you can tell something about a person from their voice?
No.
-Why not?
Johnny Forsberg had a voice as warm as treacle, and it was impossible not to fall in love with him, but he was a rat faced runt, with long lanky greasy hair when you saw him up close.
-Marylin could do a dumb blonde voice but she was quite smart.
What do you think my name is?
-Velma?
Velma is not a name.
-Yes it is. All the gangster's molls were called Velma.
So you think I am a kept woman?
-No.
So what is my name?
-Helena?
No
-Helga?
No
-Helvi?
Hell no!!!
-Hildegard?
Like the mystic nun from Bingen? Hildegard von Bingen? Triple hell no!!!
-So you know about mystical chanting from the midlle ages?
Get real, and say what brought you to Finland?
-An aeroplane.
What's the time?
-7:30
We will give him another half hour then, and if he does not show, we go.
-Bridgette?
So you are going for the film stars now?
-Marlene?
As in Dietrich? No.
-Sophia?
Like Loren? No.
-Carmen?
As in Diaz? No.
-Are you sure you want to wait? That clock is ticking and is racking up the euros.
Don't worry you will get your money.
-Aino?
From the Kalevela?
-Yes.
The one that killed herself because she did not want to marry that old shamman... no way.
-Agnes?
Never heard of that.
-In Scotland they write Agnes backwards so there is a Scottish girl's name called Senga
Sounds like a strawberry.
-A strawberry blonde?
Turn the radio off and lets go.
-Where to?
Back to the place where you picked me up.
-Well that has been the most unusual ride I have ever had. That will be 40 euros.
Here's 50 and keep the change. Even priests get paid for talking.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
What did you learn in the taxi today #1
1) A man from Oulu thinks Finland will win medals in the winter olympics.
2) Two old women say that no matter how nice they speak the Finnish language is so harsh that it sounds that they are arguing all the time.
3) A man with a hip replacement said during the operation the doctors put lots of leads and tubes into his spine. He was told one sensor monitored if he would feel pain and then it would control other pumps which would inject pain-killers into his spine so he would feel no pain during the operation.
4) Antti was mentally handicaped. He had an address in his purse and asked to be taken there. He gave me advice on how to get there. He pointed straight ahead and said turn right. He said turn left and pointed straight ahead. We arrived OK thanks to the on-board navigator.
5) A retired Prof told me that the northern lights was due to electro-magnetism. He lived in the shortest street in Helsinki. It was about 30m long and called Välikatu.
On the corner of that street is a red building with lovely curves. Looking at it made me want to live there. Some houses are like that. I decided to be on the look out for houses that made me happy.
6) Picked up a man from Vermo. He had been to the races and had lost 200 euros. He wanted to be taken to the Casino in downtown Helsinki so he could win his money back.
7) A woman told me she had gone window-shopping in her wheelchair and had a meal at Chico's afterwards. She was a sports fanatic and said the Finnish women's ice hockey team would win a medal at the winter olympics. They had already beaten the Germans 3-0.
8) Rich people are insulted if you ask them if they want a receipt. Rich people never ask for receipts.
9) THe last customer from Lansi Auto Arena said that the Espoo hockey team "The Blues" won 4-3
2) Two old women say that no matter how nice they speak the Finnish language is so harsh that it sounds that they are arguing all the time.
3) A man with a hip replacement said during the operation the doctors put lots of leads and tubes into his spine. He was told one sensor monitored if he would feel pain and then it would control other pumps which would inject pain-killers into his spine so he would feel no pain during the operation.
4) Antti was mentally handicaped. He had an address in his purse and asked to be taken there. He gave me advice on how to get there. He pointed straight ahead and said turn right. He said turn left and pointed straight ahead. We arrived OK thanks to the on-board navigator.
5) A retired Prof told me that the northern lights was due to electro-magnetism. He lived in the shortest street in Helsinki. It was about 30m long and called Välikatu.
On the corner of that street is a red building with lovely curves. Looking at it made me want to live there. Some houses are like that. I decided to be on the look out for houses that made me happy.
6) Picked up a man from Vermo. He had been to the races and had lost 200 euros. He wanted to be taken to the Casino in downtown Helsinki so he could win his money back.
7) A woman told me she had gone window-shopping in her wheelchair and had a meal at Chico's afterwards. She was a sports fanatic and said the Finnish women's ice hockey team would win a medal at the winter olympics. They had already beaten the Germans 3-0.
8) Rich people are insulted if you ask them if they want a receipt. Rich people never ask for receipts.
9) THe last customer from Lansi Auto Arena said that the Espoo hockey team "The Blues" won 4-3
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Beans beans the magical fruit...
D: Do what? Anyway, what's a preposition, Pete?
P: They're all them little words what tell you the relationship between a verb and a noun, or a noun and a noun. These little words can determine the entire meaning of a sentence.
D: You've lost me already, Pete.
P: Here's an example. Listen. "We are having beans for dinner".
D: No, we aren't, Pete. We've been eating fish and chips. You want to go easy on beans, Pete. They can talk back to you something terrible.
P: No, no! Listen carefully. "We had beans for dinner". Compare that with "We had beans to dinner".
D: Now you're getting silly, Pete. You can't go around inviting beans to dinner. You'd be off your rocker. It would get out. People would talk, if you started asking beans round to dinner.
P: I beg to differ, Dud. I distinctly overheard a bloke the other day saying "You must come round for a spot of tiffin, old bean". I rest my case.
D: (looking around & under the table) You didn't bring a case in with you. But on this bean business, you must admit that it would be very awkward, turning to your neighbour at the dining table and finding yourself looking at a bean.
P: Well, yes, the prospects for conversation with a bean would be limited. The opportunities for wit and repartee, with a bean, would be severely constrained.
D: Worse than that, Pete. Specially if it was a French Bean. The language barrier, apart from anything else, would significantly inhibit effective two-way communication.
P: Or a Runner Bean. Might dash off half way through dinner. Very embarrassing for the host. And you'd have no-one to talk to at all on one side, for the rest of the evening.
D: Or a Chilli Bean. A really chilly bean could be a very frosty dining companion. You'd end up acting all chivalrous and offering to wrap your jacket round it. And who knows where that might lead?
P: Or a Broad Bean. I've nothing against fat people, but I wouldn't want to sit next to a really broad bean. Very cramped it would be, when you're trying to eat.
D: Or a Butter Bean. Potentially disastrous. Imagine how you'd feel if you absent-mindedly spread one of your fellow diners over a piece of bread.
P: Doesn't bear thinking about. Don't take me there, Dudley.
D: I won't, Pete, Doesn't near thinking about, does it? Same goes for grammar, in my opinion. If grammar is what gets you talking to vegetables at meal times, I'm against it. And I'm sure these chips agree, don't you, chips?
P: Er, Dud - jolly good chaps, those chips - but they can't talk you know.
Friday, January 27, 2006
I'm getting married in the morning
"Soili, listen the driver is a Scot... marvellous innit Soili innit""Jo"
"Getting married tommorow, and how am I going to get this white paint off my chin? Soili hey Soili will it wash out?
"Jo"
"Look since this is my stag party this ride should be for free... ex niin Soili?
"Niin"
"Soili sweatheart... I really love you, do you love me?"
"No jo"
"But after the reception the pigs are comming to put me in the slammer, and I'll be gone for six months. Will you wait for me?
"Jo"
"Soili I don't have any money, be a darling and pay the cab"
"No Jo"
"Soili no need to get nervous. No need to get upset. Say something to the cab driver"
"Haista paskaa"
Sunday, December 11, 2005
For I am a man under authority
I picked him up from the verteran's hospital in Kauninen, he was 85 if he was a day and came strutting out of the doorway, back as straight as a ramrod and a Mannerhiem hat on his head. A poor nurse came scuttling behind carrying his bags.
"To the airport"
was all he said. The drive was uneventful and silent. Apon arrival he got out of the taxi and said.
"Follow me and bring my bags"
He strode off, and never once looked back. He expected me to follow. I caught up with him in the departure lounge.
"Find out where the check-in for Kemi is"
and here am I thinking why don't you join the end of the queue and wait your turn, but since he is a war veteran I scurry to the front of the queue with his bags and ask the girl at the check-in if this is the queue for Kemi and she said that it was.
So I montioned to him that this was the Kemi queue and he strode passed everyone in the queue... just ignored them as if they were not there, and marched straight to the front of the queue, where he commanded the girl at the desk to check his bags in. She did. The people in the queue were gawping at the affrontery of the man. He did not flinch. It almost seemed that he considered it his right to be served first.
To me he clicked his heels together nodded his head as a sign of dismissal and said
"Thanks for you service you are dismissed"
Obviously he was a man who was used to giving orders and having them obeyed.
Obviously he was also oblivious to the needs of anybody else. He might have been a very dangerous man to be with in a war, or since he was still alive he may have been a very safe man to be with. Some people have the authority to command others do not.
The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.
For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me: and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.
"To the airport"
was all he said. The drive was uneventful and silent. Apon arrival he got out of the taxi and said.
"Follow me and bring my bags"
He strode off, and never once looked back. He expected me to follow. I caught up with him in the departure lounge.
"Find out where the check-in for Kemi is"
and here am I thinking why don't you join the end of the queue and wait your turn, but since he is a war veteran I scurry to the front of the queue with his bags and ask the girl at the check-in if this is the queue for Kemi and she said that it was.
So I montioned to him that this was the Kemi queue and he strode passed everyone in the queue... just ignored them as if they were not there, and marched straight to the front of the queue, where he commanded the girl at the desk to check his bags in. She did. The people in the queue were gawping at the affrontery of the man. He did not flinch. It almost seemed that he considered it his right to be served first.
To me he clicked his heels together nodded his head as a sign of dismissal and said
"Thanks for you service you are dismissed"
Obviously he was a man who was used to giving orders and having them obeyed.
Obviously he was also oblivious to the needs of anybody else. He might have been a very dangerous man to be with in a war, or since he was still alive he may have been a very safe man to be with. Some people have the authority to command others do not.
The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.
For I am a man under authority, having soldiers under me: and I say to this man, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Auntie Bonker's Rice Noodles
I quite like the idea of designing packaging for non-existant products. Bonk Ltd already does it for non-existant machines that have absolutely no purpose or function, but nevertheless look good, and might just work if you were able to find the right switch to turn them on.
So what can you say about Auntie Bonker's Rice noodles. Well the colour scheme is the same as for Uncle Ben's rice and up there where Uncle Ben should be is Condolezza Rice.
The original slogan was "bringing more to the table" and that usually means bringing more to the US table and less to the other tables around the world.
The EU has a ban on American beef because they believe it is pumped full of growth hormones, and from the number of obese people in the USA, and their penchant for fast food hamburgers. the EU may have a point.
Britain at one time during the days of the Empire prohibited India from exporting cotton products. The could however export the raw cotton to the Lancshire mills where it was turned into textiles and sold back to India at exhorbitant prices. Ghandi spun his own cloth as a protest. and encouraged others to do the same.
The forest in Borneo is being cut down by Japanese loggers and a head-hunter when interviewed on the matter said, "The forest is our skin, and what man can live without his skin?" When asked what was his solution to the problem of the Japanese loggers, he said "We have a very simple plan. First we will kill them and then we will eat them."
Simple people have simple solutions.
So what can you say about Auntie Bonker's Rice noodles. Well the colour scheme is the same as for Uncle Ben's rice and up there where Uncle Ben should be is Condolezza Rice.
The original slogan was "bringing more to the table" and that usually means bringing more to the US table and less to the other tables around the world.
The EU has a ban on American beef because they believe it is pumped full of growth hormones, and from the number of obese people in the USA, and their penchant for fast food hamburgers. the EU may have a point.
Britain at one time during the days of the Empire prohibited India from exporting cotton products. The could however export the raw cotton to the Lancshire mills where it was turned into textiles and sold back to India at exhorbitant prices. Ghandi spun his own cloth as a protest. and encouraged others to do the same.
The forest in Borneo is being cut down by Japanese loggers and a head-hunter when interviewed on the matter said, "The forest is our skin, and what man can live without his skin?" When asked what was his solution to the problem of the Japanese loggers, he said "We have a very simple plan. First we will kill them and then we will eat them."
Simple people have simple solutions.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Alcohol dehydrogenase blues.
Alcohol dehydrogenase blues
You know what; there is a company up in Iceland that has got hold of the medical records of everyone on that island like, and they know about every disease that everyone has ever had. Tonsillitis, high blood pressure, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, schizophrenia; you name it, they know it.
No shit man??? That’s way weird.
Yeah!!! and what they have done is get samples of folks DNA, and looked for certain genes, and come up with the idea that certain genes produce certain diseases. I mean to say, they can even take a sample from a baby in the womb, and tell you if its going to be a spastic or whatever.
Man that’s capital Weird!!! Double hairy gnarly man.
Well they were not making enough money with the DNA analysis thing, so they sell all this information to some big insurance company. And you know what man, they begin to use it to evaluate risks when they sell health insurance. You know, like, if you have a heart attack gene there in no way you are going to get life insurance.
Bummer man, No way!!!
Capital way man. It’s all about risk evaluation, and the next thing you know it’s about crime prevention. I mean to say if the police got a hold of our DNA we’d be shoved straight in the slammer, faster than shit off a hot shovel.
Man your freaking me out, like major big time. Bad vibes man.
Mega mega major freak I’m telling you. Like, would you want to know if you were a Tay-Sachs carrier? You are screwed if you get one base pair wrong. Just one letter wrong. Like one in twenty five Ashkenazi Jews are carriers of Tay-Sachs disease, and they screen themselves so they don’t team up with the wrong partner.
Holy shit, you mean no more screwing around?
Next thing you know there’s a eugenics programme going, and marriage laws about who can wed and what not, and after that, to get it right, people are having designer babies. You know like, they’d have babies with the brains of Albert Einstein and the bodies of Britney Spears.
But what if the babies got Britney’s brains… that would be way cool man, a world of singing babies.
Yeah that would be way cool!!! Babies singing hit me one more time. There must be, just gotta be a singing gene out there. Some protein that codes for good vocal chords, some bit of DNA that gives you perfect pitch. They could inject it into all of those losers that audition for pop-idol.
You mean like a talent gene??? Right on!!!
Exactly!!! You would never need to practice the piano, you would just sit down and play it, and the French could have a language gene implanted so they would be forced to speak something other than Froggie.
Crescent fresh idea dude. They should go for it major like!!!
You want to know something really weird? Like some dude in Japan took the notes from the “Death March” by Mozart and used some strange algorithm to convert them into a protein sequence, and then, when he searched some protein database in Switzerland he found out that the notes had been transcribed into a protein that was responsible for cancer. You get it?
Musical DNA like??? Incredible with a capital in!!!
Exactly!!! So here’s my plan, I mean to say, I am thinking out of the box here. Tossin’ a few ideas around. It’s simple really. You know that serotonin or something like that, some dopamine thing, some chemical from this spliff, or just plain old booze, alters the way we feel, readjusts our brain chemistry. Well we reverse the process, and we turn the chemical or protein or whatever, into music.
Like music is the drug??? That rawks man!!! Kool!!! Sure as hell would knock seven colours of shit out of MTV. We could make millions… Wicked… Yeah!!!
Mega Kool dudester!!!
Alcohol dehydrogenase blues
You know what; there is a company up in Iceland that has got hold of the medical records of everyone on that island like, and they know about every disease that everyone has ever had. Tonsillitis, high blood pressure, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, schizophrenia; you name it, they know it.
No shit man??? That’s way weird.
Yeah!!! and what they have done is get samples of folks DNA, and looked for certain genes, and come up with the idea that certain genes produce certain diseases. I mean to say, they can even take a sample from a baby in the womb, and tell you if its going to be a spastic or whatever.
Man that’s capital Weird!!! Double hairy gnarly man.
Well they were not making enough money with the DNA analysis thing, so they sell all this information to some big insurance company. And you know what man, they begin to use it to evaluate risks when they sell health insurance. You know, like, if you have a heart attack gene there in no way you are going to get life insurance.
Bummer man, No way!!!
Capital way man. It’s all about risk evaluation, and the next thing you know it’s about crime prevention. I mean to say if the police got a hold of our DNA we’d be shoved straight in the slammer, faster than shit off a hot shovel.
Man your freaking me out, like major big time. Bad vibes man.
Mega mega major freak I’m telling you. Like, would you want to know if you were a Tay-Sachs carrier? You are screwed if you get one base pair wrong. Just one letter wrong. Like one in twenty five Ashkenazi Jews are carriers of Tay-Sachs disease, and they screen themselves so they don’t team up with the wrong partner.
Holy shit, you mean no more screwing around?
Next thing you know there’s a eugenics programme going, and marriage laws about who can wed and what not, and after that, to get it right, people are having designer babies. You know like, they’d have babies with the brains of Albert Einstein and the bodies of Britney Spears.
But what if the babies got Britney’s brains… that would be way cool man, a world of singing babies.
Yeah that would be way cool!!! Babies singing hit me one more time. There must be, just gotta be a singing gene out there. Some protein that codes for good vocal chords, some bit of DNA that gives you perfect pitch. They could inject it into all of those losers that audition for pop-idol.
You mean like a talent gene??? Right on!!!
Exactly!!! You would never need to practice the piano, you would just sit down and play it, and the French could have a language gene implanted so they would be forced to speak something other than Froggie.
Crescent fresh idea dude. They should go for it major like!!!
You want to know something really weird? Like some dude in Japan took the notes from the “Death March” by Mozart and used some strange algorithm to convert them into a protein sequence, and then, when he searched some protein database in Switzerland he found out that the notes had been transcribed into a protein that was responsible for cancer. You get it?
Musical DNA like??? Incredible with a capital in!!!
Exactly!!! So here’s my plan, I mean to say, I am thinking out of the box here. Tossin’ a few ideas around. It’s simple really. You know that serotonin or something like that, some dopamine thing, some chemical from this spliff, or just plain old booze, alters the way we feel, readjusts our brain chemistry. Well we reverse the process, and we turn the chemical or protein or whatever, into music.
Like music is the drug??? That rawks man!!! Kool!!! Sure as hell would knock seven colours of shit out of MTV. We could make millions… Wicked… Yeah!!!
Mega Kool dudester!!!
Alcohol dehydrogenase blues
Sunday, November 13, 2005
When we have gone our shadows will remain.
When the sun goes away our shadows disappear, but I have cast a shadow that will never disappear, because the Almighty has cast his shadow over me.
I have tasted the salt of my own tears, when they trickled down my cheek. They did not taste bitter.
Friday, November 11, 2005
It is a matter of honour
The girl with down's syndrom said "don't leave me honey," her mother said she had learn it from the "bold and the beautiful" Tv show. I said "that's OK by me Baby".At the speed bumps she raised her hands and went "Whee!!!" I drove faster at the next speed bump took my hands off the whell and went "Whee!!!" as well. She squirmed in the back seat with laghter.
She was a waitress who during the war served drinks to Mannerheim in the upstairs room at hotel KÄMP. The carpets were so thick her high heel shoes sunk into them.
Both of the war veterans in the back seat were deaf. One said "What did you say?" the other said "What?" and the first one said "What did you say?" and the second one said "What?"
The man who had three strokes wanted to go for a "Kerab" His speech was slured. I took him for a Kebab and he was happy.
The boy's said that his brother with cerebal palsy was called Larry but he prefered to be called Neo after a character from the Matrix.
The man with no legs sat silent in the front seat of the car.
The blind woman could not tell me whether to turn left or right since she did not know the road she was going. When she left me she said "See you".
The woman who had no tongue and could not speak pointed vigourously with her hand to tell me where to go. We arrived exactly where she wanted to go.
The drunk sang two Tapio Rautiovara songs and made me cry. "Kyllä se minne putki kun ihmiset itkea" he said proudly and gave me a 5 euro tip. I will have to cry more often.
She had a club foot and pushed the rollator in front of her and then draged her legs behind it. Her friend was straight out of Sunset Bulevard, her face caked with makeup. She was 80 if she was a day. The lady with the club foot stroked my face and said I was wonderful, while Bette Davis took me by the ears and kissed my cheek, leaving red lipstick on my cheek. I waved at them as I drove away. They tittered behind their hands like young school girls and waved back.
Taxis are of the dead and dying.
Monday, October 24, 2005
If you can cook... you are OK.
Went to the K-kaupat and pick up a recipe magazine from their fish counter and was insipred to make a pie with cold smoked salmon. You need to get creative sometimes, and then eat your ceation. It is part of being normal and stable that you can cook and eat. If you can't cook then you either have too much money or are lazy. If you can't eat then you are in serious trouble.
The base of the pie had to be made from rye flour, the same kind of dough that goes into karjalan pirikka. Spread it out on a oven proof dish that is 30 cm in diameter. Imagine you are back in kindergaten and playing with plastercine as you spread the dough out on the dish. Drink some beer as you do it. Or a glass of wine if you prefer.
For the filling go for broccolli and cauliflour and carrot. People will have lots to say about vitamins and nutritional value, and anti oxidising agents, but go for the colour is my advice. Green and red and white is always a good combination.
As a topping spead on a layer of cold smoke salmon. It has that tary tang that is irresistable. You should have half finnished your beer or wine by now. With food preperation it is always best to follow the guidlines of Keith Floyd, namely the preperation time should take no more than the time it takes to consume two glasses of wine.
Now for the glue to stick everything together... a couple of eggs and some cream. Beat them together and add salt, pepper, dill and a liberal sprinkling of emental cheese. In everybodies life time it is important that they discover for themselves a cheese that will serve as a ideal topping. A cheese that will turn a golden brown and remain succulent. There are some cheeses that are not fit to be topping since when they melt they form a coating akin to a vinyl LP torched in a microwave. Emental is a cheese that behaves. Learn to love it.
Now the pie is ready for the oven and it is time to follow Floyds principle once again, namely cook the pie for as long as it takes to consume the remainder of the wine. Once you have drunk a whole bottle of wine you will have a most apperciative eye for your ceation no matter how it has turned out.
The final results should never be eaten alone. It is imperative that you share your food with somebody. Cook something for somebody today. That's an order.
Bonk Bermuda Triangles
I have been reading the book "No Logo" which is about multinational corporations and the hold they have on world markets. It is also about the exploitation of the poor. Production takes place in third world countries, while branding takes place in a highrise office in London.
Modern commerce is all about "branding" and for some obscure reason the "brand" has become more important than the "product".
The Marlborough "brand" is the cigarette you have to buy since it shows that you are a discriminating smoker, and a bit of a rough, tough cowboy on the side, all weather-beaten face, but kind of fit never-the-less, despite the fact that you have tons of black tar coating your lungs. People will buy brands rather than products... DG, Ben Sherman, Ecco, Versace, Burberry, Tag, Armani, Boss, Nike... you get the picture.
Then you have the Finnish company Bonk Business Inc. who take branding to the extreme. They make products that have no function at all. Machines that don't work, for example the Raba Hiff Quasar OQ-172 is a fully defunctioned machine incorporating leading edge technology. Raba Hiff® machines are designed as a presence - on the shop floor, in offices or any working area. Their true function is this presence, which has been proved to increase job satisfaction -leading to better work motivation and thus to greater profits.
The have invented a non-existant anchovy briquette called Bermuda Triangles that comes in a package like Toblerone. Their slogan is "try them... they will just disappear"
It would seem that Bonk Business Inc. is one serious wind up. They fashion themselves as "a multiglobal industrial giant, pioneering Third Millennium technologies such as LBH (Localised Black Holes), ADS (Advanced Disinformation Systems), Cosmic Therapy and Defunctioned Machinery."
What they are really saying is that brand is more important than product. I wonder how many art galleries have bought their useless machines, or how many people have asked for Bermuda Triangles in a shop, even though they are supposedly made out of anchovy paste.
Bonk someone today.
Get a job at Bonk
Bonk Business Inc. Strategies
Modern commerce is all about "branding" and for some obscure reason the "brand" has become more important than the "product".
The Marlborough "brand" is the cigarette you have to buy since it shows that you are a discriminating smoker, and a bit of a rough, tough cowboy on the side, all weather-beaten face, but kind of fit never-the-less, despite the fact that you have tons of black tar coating your lungs. People will buy brands rather than products... DG, Ben Sherman, Ecco, Versace, Burberry, Tag, Armani, Boss, Nike... you get the picture.
Then you have the Finnish company Bonk Business Inc. who take branding to the extreme. They make products that have no function at all. Machines that don't work, for example the Raba Hiff Quasar OQ-172 is a fully defunctioned machine incorporating leading edge technology. Raba Hiff® machines are designed as a presence - on the shop floor, in offices or any working area. Their true function is this presence, which has been proved to increase job satisfaction -leading to better work motivation and thus to greater profits.
The have invented a non-existant anchovy briquette called Bermuda Triangles that comes in a package like Toblerone. Their slogan is "try them... they will just disappear"
It would seem that Bonk Business Inc. is one serious wind up. They fashion themselves as "a multiglobal industrial giant, pioneering Third Millennium technologies such as LBH (Localised Black Holes), ADS (Advanced Disinformation Systems), Cosmic Therapy and Defunctioned Machinery."
What they are really saying is that brand is more important than product. I wonder how many art galleries have bought their useless machines, or how many people have asked for Bermuda Triangles in a shop, even though they are supposedly made out of anchovy paste.
Bonk someone today.
Get a job at Bonk
Bonk Business Inc. Strategies
Friday, October 21, 2005
Screws missing
Rolf has a screw missing... from his rollator. He has multiple sclerosis and needs a rollator to get about, so it is not good that one of the handles is loose. He is very unsteady on his feet so it makes it difficult for him if his support is not solid.
MS has effected his way of walking. He slaps his foot down and it somehow reminds me of a fish flapping around out of water. His speech is also a bit slured and he can't get control of his hands to fix the safety belt in place.
I have calculated that about 25% of the people who use taxis are disabled in some way. The Espoo county council provides them with a special card with a microchip in it which they can use to buy rides in taxis. A very thoughtful service.
Rolf jokes about his condition. He told the lady at the rollator centre that he wanted to trade in his old model for one that goes faster. One that has go faster stripes. He wants to race old ladies in the shopping centre. Apparently the old girls are well impressed by a set of fast wheels, even if they are only on a rollator.
She laughs and he smiles. What a sweet talker. What a sweet man. He says he has fought MS for 20 years, and it will not get the better of him. I admire that spirit.
MS has effected his way of walking. He slaps his foot down and it somehow reminds me of a fish flapping around out of water. His speech is also a bit slured and he can't get control of his hands to fix the safety belt in place.
I have calculated that about 25% of the people who use taxis are disabled in some way. The Espoo county council provides them with a special card with a microchip in it which they can use to buy rides in taxis. A very thoughtful service.
Rolf jokes about his condition. He told the lady at the rollator centre that he wanted to trade in his old model for one that goes faster. One that has go faster stripes. He wants to race old ladies in the shopping centre. Apparently the old girls are well impressed by a set of fast wheels, even if they are only on a rollator.
She laughs and he smiles. What a sweet talker. What a sweet man. He says he has fought MS for 20 years, and it will not get the better of him. I admire that spirit.
Monday, October 17, 2005
No rush
"Your job is simple. Just get customers quickly into the taxi, and get rid of them just as quick. No small talk, no shaking hands, no smiles, just get their cash and be on your way. But listen no buzzing around like a blue-arsed fly, no rushing from the airport to Kielaniemi just cos you think that is where all the customers will be.Customers are everywhere, and if you rush around you wont give yourself half a chance of catching them. Take it easy, drive slowly, enjoy the country side. Keep off the big roads with lots of traffic. If you get onto ring road III what do you get, speeding madmen late for work, mensturating women weeping at the driving wheel, traffic jams, and multiple car accidents. Do you need any of that? No? Then there is the exhaust fumes, and the headaches, the stoping and starting, the wear and tear on the engine. You get lots of angry people in a traffic jam cos they are all wanting to get somewhere and are frustrated that they are stuck in traffic.
You don't need to be anywhere, so you have no stress ex niin? Matinkylä is just as good as Espoonlahti. Don't be in a hurry. Let everybody else hurry. You take it easy. It is simple. Drive slow when you don't have a customer, and drive fast when you do have one, and get rid of them as quick as possible, ex niin?
Head down to Pakila and take the Ylästö road that runs parrallell to ring road III. It is a good road and it runs through Martinlakso, Myyrmäki to Pahkinärinne. Have you noticed if you are on the ring road III you never get any offers of lifts, but once you get off onto a side road and drive along them slowly you will pick up lots of lifts. Folks desperate to get to the airport but they can't get a taxi cos, they are all caught up in a gridlock on ring road III. Drive slowly, take your time, if you are driving with your pants on fire you could speed through a village and miss a call. If you drive slowly then you don't stress yourself and you don't stress the car. Simple ex niin?
Seven time out of ten when I drive the Ylästö road early in the moring I can easily pick up three lifts to the airport while other taxi drivers are stuck in a traffic jam on ring road III, stressed out of their gourds worrying over the fact they couldn't pick up a ride even if it were offered to them. Time is money. Wasted time is lost money. Simple ex niin?
Drive slowly and admire the views, that is perhaps the best advice I can give you. Simple ex niin?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Never join a queue, or give a granny an even break
"Of course the weekends are different, after eight o'clock you get your whores and thieves, but you will be OK in the mornings, cos that is the time when the grannies do their shopping. It is a different clientelle on a Saturday morning, you get your cripples and disabled, the blind and the senile, and they present a different set of problems to your whores and thieves. Simple ex niin?
So the idea is this... never ever join a queue. Some people will join a queue just to see what is at the end of it. Look at all those idiots who go to Stockmans for their "Crazy Days" They will queue up around the block just becasue they think they will get a bargain. Queuing is for idiots. If you ever find yourself in a queue always make sure you are always first in line. That way you can get in and out quick. Simple ex niin?
And where are the business men at the weekends? I'll tell you where they are... resting. You won't get any rides from Nokia house or Kielaniemi because there is nobody there. The weekend is for grannies in the morning and whores at night time. Simple ex niin? And what do you do if you get a whore that won't pay? They give you lip, they try to cheat you. Listen!!! when they give a service they expect to be paid for it, so it is just the same for us. we drive a taxi and provided a service and we should get paid when we have done our job good, ex niin?
If they don't pay, I'll have their telephone off them, or their passport, or their gold bracelet, and I give them one week to come up with the money. If they ask me to bring their telephone to them I set the meter running and charge them for that trip too. Time is money, and I am providing a service... fair's fair, ex niin? If they can't be bothered to collect their stuff after a week I take it to the pawnshop and ask for just enough money to cover the original trip and my expenses. When they call about a month later and ask for their phone. I send them the pawnshop ticket and tell them to go reclaim it. It's their headache then what to do. None of this would have happened if they had stumped up in the first place. Don't make headaches for yourself. Simple ex niin?
But watch out for those grannies too. Picked up a granny at Iso Omena and she wanted to be taken to Itäkeskus to deliver christmas presents to her two daughters. I drive her there and she jumps out of the taxi with all of her bags, but leaves a big plastic bag with more christmas present in it for her other daughter. Says she'll be right back, and I believe her 'cos butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. She never comes back and has skiped out of the taxi without paying, but I think I'm OK since she has left the big plastic bag full of Christmas presents. Like hell she did... it was full of empty milk cartoons. I ask you is that right?"
"the human heart is so desperately wicked"
"You can say that again... but if there were more people like us, then the world would be OK... ex niin?
Thursday, October 13, 2005
The weapons of our war
"The sooner you get it into your head that we are in a war then the better it will be for you, and if you are in a war you need to know your weapons, and how to use them, how to get the most out of them, and the main weapon that you have is that little console on the dashboard. If you unlock all its little secrets then you will be one jump ahead of the bunch. In this game you have to be a champion rally driver. To get anywhere you have to always be first. Always get to the head of the queue. Second place will never put the bread on your table or pay the rent."
"But what about the first being last, and the last being first?"
"Forget it!!! What you have to do is know where all the other cars are, if there are other taxis already at the taxi station ask yourself why should you go there to be second in the queue, you could just as well be home in bed sleeping. Being second or third will never earn you any money, you have to be first. Got that? Simple ex niin?
"So you are driving around and that "232" number tells you that you are that you are in the Matinkyla area and that "J2" means that there are two cars roaming the area. Take my advice drive around until you get " J1" coming up on the console then it means that you are the only car in the area and any rides that are going, will be coming your way.
The satellite keeps frack of you movement with GPRS and if you are the only car in the area you will be offered any rides that are going. You will get all the information on where to pick the person up from, and where to take them to, and maybe even their telephone number.
You can't imagine how many people order a taxi and then sleep in. Check the time when they have ordered the taxi, and if they are still in their pygamas when the clock hits that time, set your taxi meter running and tell them no hurry, take all the time you want. They have to pay from when they ordered the taxi. It's a war you see. We don't take any prisoners, and we don't show any mercy. If you want to show mercy then you should become a priest. Driving a taxi is not for you. You see? Simple ex niin?"
"Always be first... hmm doesn't sound quite right somehow. Doesn't seem just or fair."
"Look if you are not out to make money then get back into bed, and if you want to give other people a chance then become a social worker. So you have your "Alu" which is the number code for all the taxi stations. Memorise them. Station 232 has got a couple of cars there and they have been waiting for 11 minutes. What did I tell you about always being first? Should you join the queue at 232?"
"Errr I suppose no"
"Well you would be wrong cos to every rule there is always an exception. You don't win nothing by following the rules. You have to be a little bit weeeeeee a little bit hayhay. A backhander here, a wink and a nod there. Always get somebody to scratch you back but never scratch anybodies back for them... unless they pay you for it.
You see you need more knowledge. Why do you think those two cars have been waiting there for 11 minutes"
"They are broken down? hehe"
"Look if you are trying to be funny you should be a comedian and not a taxi driver. You have to have a look at the "ETL" and you will see why they are sitting there. There are 4 juicey rides going from 231 which is Matinkyla to 445 which is Vantaa airport. Four prebooked rides up for the grabs between 5:35 and 6:15. Since it is prebooked you can charge the customer 5:40 euro just for picking them up, and that is on top of the basic charge of 4:60 euros, so without lifting a finger you have 10 euros in you pocket for sitting a the taxi sation just waiting to pick up the ride, and once you have taken them to Vantaa airport you will have clocked up 40 euros which is not bad for a 25 minute drive. Simple ex niin?
Now get out there and kill those sonsofabitches ex niin?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)